It's OK to Hurt

All of us have our ways of doing things, our own ways of looking at things.  None of this is bad necessarily, so long as we aren't trapped in our ways and those ways cause us more stress than it is worth.

Sometimes our "core beliefs" can cause us problems and need to be examined to see if they are valid.  Psychiatrists call these core beliefs "schemas". They are based on our underlying assumptions such as "If I please others then they'll like me" (Positive assumption) or "If I don't please others then they won't like me." (Negative assumption).

As you can see the "if" identifies the assumption.  When "if" is used we create a condition for us.  It becomes a rule of life for us that must be met in order to feel either good or bad about ourselves.

In dispatching this can also be true.  As some of you know by the article, "The Phantom Dispatcher Syndrome", I write about how some of us can have the impression that being perfect is something we should strive for.  Like the Phantom Dispatcher, we would never get a call wrong, never mess up a teletype, never say the wrong thing.  We would get glowing evaluations and the red carpet would be laid out and the trumpet would sound when we walked into dispatch everyday.

Let me know when you find one of them.....

Of course we know that they don't exist.  There are no perfect dispatchers. We all make mistakes.  Yes we do!  

We have some good days and then some bad days, ups and then downs.  That's life.

However our core beliefs about life and ourselves can make a bad day worse and even a good day bad.  All because it meets the condition and reinforces our belief.

For instance lets say you grew up in a household where showing emotion was unacceptable.  You might have heard from a parent when you were upset at something, "Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about!"

Or you might have heard that showing emotions is a sign of weakness therefore you learned to stuff your emotions when upset and put on he appearance that you are as solid as a rock!

I am familiar with this as I was raised that way.  That belief that "being emotional was a sign of a weak character" was reinforced in the Military where I spent the first 13 years of my adult life.  It continued into dispatch.  

I can remember being known for "calmness under fire".  Yep, Mr. Rock!

Right...

On the outside yes, but on the inside was a different story.  Once when I handled one of my first suicide calls, which unfortunately had a bad end, I continued my shift afterward.  In those days there wasn't any debriefing, we had never heard of such a thing.  But Mr. Rock maintained his composure and "carried on".

My partners and friends would ask, "Are you OK?"  "Sure" I replied, "I am just fine."

Yet there was a problem which manifested afterward because for days and weeks after the incident I couldn't sleep, nor eat, and the words – the last words

of the caller played over and over again in my head. .

Yet the time I shrugged off these symptoms and made no connection to the emotions I had over the incident, because I stuffed them inside.  Of course I did this because my belief that to do so would appear as a weakness.  Time and time again through officer shootings, murders in progress while I was on the phone and other critical calls I remained "numb" did my job and carried on.

This was the way it was until my Mother died some years later.  You see she was the one who taught me that emotions are a sign of weakness.   She was a great woman and in other more positive ways a great influence.  Yet after her death I began address that belief and challenge it, and found out it isn't true.

Emotions are NOT a sign of weakness, they are a part of being human.

I don't care if you are 400 pound linebacker for the Packers, crying or some other form of emotion isn't a sign of weakness.  Showing emotions is right and good and very therapeutic when we have faced a crisis.

When we read in a dispatcher job application "Can handle stress" it doesn't mean we shut off our humanity.  Some of the finest people who ever walked the face of this earth were people of emotion.

Good stress management means effective processing of our emotions.

Some of you may be nodding your head.  You have been told too the same mistruth.  All I can say is evaluate that belief.  It doesn't matter who told you it was true, challenge it.   Until you do you can go on being a "prisoner" to the rule.  This isn't necessary and the freedom you will gain will make you a better person.

Tips for Getting Ur Zzzzzz's

One of the downsides to shift work is the lack  of appropriate sleep.  If for instance, you work midnights you might have already found this to be true.

I worked that shift for many years.  I liked it because I was never one for "crowds".  Yet in the beginning I found it hard to get enough sleep before each new shift. 

After being up all night  I would come home and have to deal with the normal issues of living (family, bill paying, etc)  and I might get to bed by 10 or 11 am, sleep (if I was lucky) till 4pm and then try to get back to sleep by 5pm.  The problem is sometimes that sometimes I didn't get to bed till 7 or even 8pm because of family needs or other concerns.  Then sometimes I didn't get to sleep at all.

Where I worked we had a name for people on Midnights, "Zombie People".  Believe me it fit.  After a few months of this shift I was talking AND walking with the dead!

Yet, this is the nature of the job. How then do you get your-z's?

STAY AWAY FROM ARTIFICIAL OVER THE COUNTER SLEEP AIDS IF POSSIBLE

Unfortunately, some dispatchers go the route of sleep-aids, or alcohol or, in the case of some, use other medicines made for other sicknesses to get to sleep.  The problem with these "helpers" is that they can cause a dependence on their use, either physical or psychological and that can further complicate the problem.

The good news is that you don't need a sleep aid to get to sleep. You just need to do a few things to "train" your body to be able to rest when you need it.

The first is to look at your dietary habits. Specifically your intake of caffeine.  Now I know it is the dispatcher's staple, but caffeine is a stimulant. Just one cup can stay in your system for up to 6 hours.  Not to mention a whole pot of the stuff you might drink during a shift.

You don't have to give up caffeine completely. Especially if you are a heavy drinker of the stuff,  but if you can curb your intake at least 2-4 hours before the end of the shift it can help a lot.  

EXERCISE

 (Ugh), Yep, that bad-word.  But exercise doesn't have to be hard though.  Just a little walk each day, a simple slow walk of 30 or more minutes can tap a lot of that excess energy and calm you down after the shift.  Careful though that you don't try to walk within 4 hours of going to sleep. 

WATCH WHAT YOU EAT!  

If you eat a large pepperoni pizza with extra cheese, don't expect to get home and drift off to la-la land anytime soon. Your stomach takes an awful long time to digest those kinds of things and when your trying to get to sleep the last thing you need is a working stomach

A couple of more ways is to set a time everyday where you get to bed at the same time.  "Yeah, right" I hear you saying.  "I've got these kids, the hubby (or wife), and this and that..."

Well, how good are you to them if you are dead tired?  The fact is that not getting appropriate sleep causes more harm than just making you sleepy.  It can make you sick and even makes you more vulnerable to disease.  Your body needs the rest to recuperate and recharge itself.  Because while you are sleeping the  body repairs the damage from the stress of the day.   Cheat it and it's going to come back and bite you in the you-know-where.

Just pick a time.  Coordinate with the rest of the family.  You will be surprised sometimes how cooperating they can be.  But when you set a particular time your body adapts to it more easily, and you will find that after a time you will be actually sleeping better.

Some other suggestions:

• Take a warm bath or soak in a hot tub.
• Lower the room temperature (a cool environment improves sleep).
• Don't "activate" your brain by balancing a checkbook, reading a thriller, or doing other stressful activities.
• Darken the bedroom and bathroom.
• Install light blocking and sound absorbing curtains or shades.
• Wear eye shades.
• Wear ear plugs.
• Use a white noise machine, like a fan, to block other noises.
• Install carpeting and drapes to absorb sound.
• Unplug the telephone.

Other suggestions:  If you are rotating shifts, whether that is every 3 months, 6 months or even (yuk) 28 days, see if you can rotate "clockwise".  That is from Days to Afternoons to Nights.  This most accurately follows the Circadian Rhythm (24-hour cycle of wake/sleep)  of your body.  Many times Shift-Work insomnia is cause simply by violating this principle.

Got some suggestions of your own.  Send them to us and we'll post them here so they can help your peers.

Judge Not! - Keeping our Judgements to a Minimum works to Keeping our Stress Under control

There was an old man in a village, very poor, but even kings were jealous of him because he had a beautiful white horse . . . Kings offered fabulous prices for the horse, but the man would say, "This horse is not a horse to me, he is a person. And how can you sell a person, a friend?" The man was poor, but he never sold the horse. One morning, he found that the horse was not in the stable. The whole village gathered and they said, "You foolish old man! We knew that someday the horse would be stolen. It would have been better to sell it. What a misfortune ! "

The old man said, "Don't go so far as to say that. Simply say that the horse is not in the stable. This is the fact; everything else is a judgment. Whether it is a misfortune or a blessing I don't know, because this is just a fragment. Who knows what is going to follow it?" People laughed at the old man. They had always known that he was a little crazy. But after fifteen days, suddenly one night the horse returned. He had not been stolen, he had escaped into the wild.

And not only that, he brought a dozen wild horses with him. Again the people gathered and they said, "Old man, you were right. This was not a misfortune, it has indeed proved to be a blessing." The old man said, "Again you are going too far. Just say that the horse is back . . . who knows whether it is a blessing or not? It is only a fragment.

You read a single word in a sentence-how can you judge the whole book?" This time the people could not say much, but inside they knew that he was wrong. Twelve beautiful horses had come . .

The old man had an only son who started to train the wild horses. Just a week later he fell from a horse and his legs were broken. The people gathered again and again they judged. They said, Again you proved right! It was a misfortune. Your only son has lost the use of his legs, and in your old age he was your only support. Now you are poorer than ever." The old man said, "You are obsessed with judgment. Don't go that far. Say only that my son has broken his legs. Nobody knows whether this is a misfortune or a blessing. Life comes in fragments and more is never given to you."

It happened that after a few weeks the country went to war, and all the young men of the town were forcibly taken for the military.

Only the old man's son was left, because he was crippled. The whole town was crying and weeping, because it was a losing fight and they knew most of the young people would never come back. They came to the old man and they said, "You were right, old man this has proved a blessing. Maybe your son is crippled, but he is still with you. Our sons are gone forever."

The old man said again, "You go on and on judging. Nobody knows! Only say this, that your sons have been forced to enter into the army and my son has not been forced.

But only God, the total, knows whether it is a blessing or a misfortune."

'Judge ye not'-otherwise you will never become one with the total. With fragments you will be obsessed, with small things you will jump to conclusions. Once you judge you have stopped growing.

Judgment means a stale state of mind. And mind always wants judgment, because to be in process is always hazardous and uncomfortable. In fact, the journey never ends. One path ends, another begins, one door closes another opens. You reach a peak; a higher peak is always there. God is an endless journey. Only those who are so courageous that they don't bother about the goal but are content with the journey, content just to live the moment and grow into it, only those are able to walk with the total.

Great News! 2012 Training at 2008 Pricing!

Happy New Year All!


 This year we're offering 2012 training at 2008 pricing. All our training is now based $99 per student charge, 20 minimum class room size. This price will last throughout the year, so visit Headsets911.com for more information. 

If you haven't hosted a Stress and the Dispatcher - Surviving the Console, Getting Along with Co-Workers or So Now You're a Supervisor class now is the time!

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