All of us have our ways of doing things, our own ways of looking at things. None of this is bad necessarily, so long as we aren't trapped in our ways and those ways cause us more stress than it is worth.
Sometimes our "core beliefs" can cause us problems and need to be examined to see if they are valid. Psychiatrists call these core beliefs "schemas". They are based on our underlying assumptions such as "If I please others then they'll like me" (Positive assumption) or "If I don't please others then they won't like me." (Negative assumption).
As you can see the "if" identifies the assumption. When "if" is used we create a condition for us. It becomes a rule of life for us that must be met in order to feel either good or bad about ourselves.
In dispatching this can also be true. As some of you know by the article, "The Phantom Dispatcher Syndrome", I write about how some of us can have the impression that being perfect is something we should strive for. Like the Phantom Dispatcher, we would never get a call wrong, never mess up a teletype, never say the wrong thing. We would get glowing evaluations and the red carpet would be laid out and the trumpet would sound when we walked into dispatch everyday.
Let me know when you find one of them.....
Of course we know that they don't exist. There are no perfect dispatchers. We all make mistakes. Yes we do!
We have some good days and then some bad days, ups and then downs. That's life.
However our core beliefs about life and ourselves can make a bad day worse and even a good day bad. All because it meets the condition and reinforces our belief.
For instance lets say you grew up in a household where showing emotion was unacceptable. You might have heard from a parent when you were upset at something, "Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about!"
Or you might have heard that showing emotions is a sign of weakness therefore you learned to stuff your emotions when upset and put on he appearance that you are as solid as a rock!
I am familiar with this as I was raised that way. That belief that "being emotional was a sign of a weak character" was reinforced in the Military where I spent the first 13 years of my adult life. It continued into dispatch.
I can remember being known for "calmness under fire". Yep, Mr. Rock!
Right...
On the outside yes, but on the inside was a different story. Once when I handled one of my first suicide calls, which unfortunately had a bad end, I continued my shift afterward. In those days there wasn't any debriefing, we had never heard of such a thing. But Mr. Rock maintained his composure and "carried on".
My partners and friends would ask, "Are you OK?" "Sure" I replied, "I am just fine."
Yet there was a problem which manifested afterward because for days and weeks after the incident I couldn't sleep, nor eat, and the words – the last words
of the caller played over and over again in my head. .
Yet the time I shrugged off these symptoms and made no connection to the emotions I had over the incident, because I stuffed them inside. Of course I did this because my belief that to do so would appear as a weakness. Time and time again through officer shootings, murders in progress while I was on the phone and other critical calls I remained "numb" did my job and carried on.
This was the way it was until my Mother died some years later. You see she was the one who taught me that emotions are a sign of weakness. She was a great woman and in other more positive ways a great influence. Yet after her death I began address that belief and challenge it, and found out it isn't true.
Emotions are NOT a sign of weakness, they are a part of being human.
I don't care if you are 400 pound linebacker for the Packers, crying or some other form of emotion isn't a sign of weakness. Showing emotions is right and good and very therapeutic when we have faced a crisis.
When we read in a dispatcher job application "Can handle stress" it doesn't mean we shut off our humanity. Some of the finest people who ever walked the face of this earth were people of emotion.
Good stress management means effective processing of our emotions.
Some of you may be nodding your head. You have been told too the same mistruth. All I can say is evaluate that belief. It doesn't matter who told you it was true, challenge it. Until you do you can go on being a "prisoner" to the rule. This isn't necessary and the freedom you will gain will make you a better person.
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